Osmosis.
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Early in ordained ministry, I learned the trick of osmosis: the little I remember (humanities major!) from 9th grade biology, is that semi-permeable membranes permit passage of some amount of fluid while holding back too much. They do this to equalize the pressure and share the load, but they know when to stop: the organism never takes on MORE of a substance than there is outside the organism.
That’s how the healthy minister needs to be: open enough to be empathetic/sympathetic/to feel with and for the folks they minister to, and closed enough that they don’t get flooded, and therefore useless.
I’d been making that mistake a couple of weeks ago—getting flooded. Feeling everybody’s everything. There’s an uptick in flooding after you become a parent, especially a mother-type parent. I couldn’t watch movies or read news about abused children after my first pregnancy. And after cancer, same thing—every pain just seems to come rushing in. The Holy Spirit Portal is not one opening, but many, many perforations all along my soul-body. I gotta watch out, or I get overwhelmed.
What helps? Well, for me, asking for prayers, letting others in so I can let some of the anxiety and sorrow out; that really helps. I wasn’t kidding when I said “I feel better already!” even as I posted my last plea. I really did. And better, and better, as the days went by, and your prayers osmosed in.
The scan is 8 days away, and I’m feeling fine. My rock-star infusion nurse Kerry came to church yesterday! She’d threatened to any number of times, and she did it! There she was, in the 5th pew, her gleaming and infectious smile. I just wanted to say, “Let’s skip church, everybody, and have a dance party!”
During our prayers of thanksgiving, I thanked God for her, “For Kerry, my infusion nurse who has seen me through some dark days, and is here with me in victory today—” I barely made it through the end of the sentence. The salty tears just came all up and out and went everywhere. Osmosis.
While you’re breathing and praying for me, would you pray for a woman in my church, a very dear, vibrant and spirited woman who just got a shock-inducing cancer diagnosis out of nowhere? Kathy. We love you. We’re here. We feel this with you. Not more than you—just, hopefully, the right amount, to draw off some of the fear and agony and sorrow.
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